Knocking Me Down

Life has been trying to knock me down repeatedly.  She won. On December 3,2015, my father was killed in a tragic accident.  I am drinking more and cutting again.  And I am tired.

WoRds That will Change my Life

I really messed up the night of the Blood Moon. Catastrophasizing to the NTH degree. So much so that I am ashamed of myself. I cannot go into details. My emotions, thoughts , and fears took on a life of their own. Not the snowball effect like the past – the point of no return….. this was an avalanche. I was on Skype with my best friend so she witnessed the meltdown. Then my daughter called my cell and my boyfriend called on the landline. It was a coincidence that they would all be there at the same time. One did not notify the other. It happened too fast.
This is probably the first time in the history of this blog that I have put a filter on what happened. Just imagine someone whose emotions had run amok, then imagine them thinking the world was about to end. Oh yeah, and it was Passover eve. This person being brought up with the literal interpretation of the Bible is also a cutter. What did the Christians do
on Passover to protect themselves.

That is all I will say and I have no defense for my shame or the anguish I caused.
The words that will change my life were typed on a text from my life long friend last night. Umm if you are new to my blog, you may not know that I hate myself – inside and out

“I WISH YOU COULD SEE WHAT WE SEE IN YOU.”
When I get home from Austin, I will put those words up everywhere:
The mirror
The fridge
On my PC
On my tv
…
Be WeLL

Blood Moon

I just had a major meltdown about the blood moon between 2:00 and 3:30 am. Not to mention tomorrow is Passover.
It’s not just in my head. U.S. News had an article on it. The problem is that I was raised with the literal translation of the Bible. To me that means the 6th seal will be broken tonight, which leads to the 7th seal of Armageddon. I managed to piss off my daughter, boyfriend, and best friend.
I mentioned SI in reference to the Passover and I think that was it for my boyfriend. I don’t know if he will leave me. He has put up with a lot.

This is What I Intended to be on the TWLOHA post

I don’t know why the link did not post:

“A true friend is someone who knows the song of your soul and sings it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” -Unknown

The Birth of My OnIoN

10/1/76 when my mom died. Whomever it was God intended me to be died too.