It was a week ago today that I found out I lost all of my belongings in a fire at my storage unit. A whole row of units were gutted.
The week has not been easy. I work in a call center and have cried on the phone, struggled to control my breathing. I was given time off to go to my psychologist.
Tomorrow I have to go to my dad’s to look at pictures and whatever else my dad thought was salvageable. I don’t want to go, but it must be done. I feel like I will be traumatized all over again.
It was also a week ago that I took a knife and cut the inside of my hand….due to the stress of the fire.
AGAIN, I find myself about to log on for work with tears in my eyes and a shaky voice,
Still struggling with the loss of my possessions in the fire.
I have to work at a different location today. Will also have a meeting with a Vice President, to give thoughts and ideas on how the call center and training can be improved. This is so so outside of my comfort zone. I am so sick to my stomach with nerves and anxiety.
I am so tired….fighting my illness, fighting my getting better, fighting to breathe.
I am so tired. It feels like I am always two steps away from losing all my progress.
I remember in 1995, my Aunt came down to visit me upon my release from s mental hospital when I lived in California. She kept asking “How are you?” I kept answering ” I am so tired.”
She didn’t understand. She said, “why do you keep saying that?” I think if I knew someone struggling with the disease of Depression and they had just gotten out of a mental hospital for the 2nd time in 7 weeks….I would know what they meant.
I AM SO TIRED