A Week Ago

It was a week ago today that I found out I lost all of my belongings in a fire at my storage unit. A whole row of units were gutted. 

The week has not been easy. I work in a call center and have cried on the phone, struggled to control my breathing.  I was given time off to go to my psychologist.

Tomorrow I have to go to my dad’s to look at pictures and whatever else my dad thought was salvageable. I don’t want to go, but it must be done.  I feel like I will be traumatized all over again.

It was also a week ago that I took a knife and cut the inside of my hand….due to the stress of the fire. 

AGAIN, I find myself about to log on for work with tears in my eyes and a shaky voice,


I am so tired….fighting my illness, fighting my getting better, fighting to breathe.

I am so tired.  It feels like I am always two steps away from losing all my progress.

I remember in 1995, my Aunt came down to visit me upon my release from s mental hospital when I lived in California.  She kept asking “How are you?”  I kept answering ” I am so tired.”

She didn’t understand. She said, “why do you keep saying that?” I think if I knew someone struggling with the disease of Depression and they had just gotten out of a mental hospital for the 2nd time in 7 weeks….I would know what they meant.