A Little Off the Subject … Kind of

Sean Bean is a flawed hero in Legends…. I love flawed people
with Issues! My shrink says that is ALL of us. True or just shrink speak to make you feel better?
“Legends is on TNT. A deep undercover “secret ” undercover agent loses himself in his masks/ deep cover ops. Just now watching first episode, but it makes me think of me as a mentally disturbed, deep ops, govt sanctioned agent…. Hmm maybe I missed my calling. The deep ops peeps our govt uses MUST be disturbed. LoL ! Were they disturbed before their training or as a result.

Reincarnation

I
Dream
Of a world
Without Noise

Not
That
Of the Real
Hustle bustle

But
That
Of the world
Called Me

Loud
Violent
Killing me softly
My noise

Friend
Enemy
Dangling the key
To freedom?

Haunting
Taunting
Fearing the day
Draws near

The
Day
It will become
A whisper

Taken
Over
By the loudness
Of Hope

Distant
Chants
No longer dictate
My demise

Eyes
Open
Today I touched
The stars

ÇÏℕⅮ¥ ÐÅ℟KℍℇÅℝ✝

©copyright Cindy Darkheart~DaRk Whispers-A Dark Poetry Blog

cindydarkheartsworld.homestead.com

Self Injury

I just realized it has been about a month since I stopped hurting myself….physically!!!! Woohoo! It just happened. No concentrated effort. I just feel like I don’t need it anymore.
I have been so fearful of typing these words.
I hope I don’t fall on my ass, but even if I do…. I now know that it can be done.

Hues

Vivid hues
Brilliant darkness
Muted shadows
Attend the birth
Of my
Aura
Premature red
Baby blues
Muddy blues
Brand new world
Escape from
Darkness

Let’s not
Get ahead
Of ourselves

ÇÏℕⅮ¥ ÐÅ℟KℍℇÅℝ✝

©copyright Cindy Darkheart~DaRk Whispers-A Dark Poetry Blog

cindydarkheartsworld.homestead.com

Comfort Zone

Today, I am making myself go to my brother’s surprise birthday event. It is at an upscale shopping center I have never been to. At a restaurant I have never been to.
It should be ok. Right? I mean I go to work, home, my daughter’s, grocery store, the same restaurants…when I am feeling brave. I am already feeling a sense of accomplishment and I haven’t even left yet!!
Happy Labor Day.

I am so tired…On the Rocks Please aka Heavy on the Vodka light in the Juice

My two week training for my second job was grueling and over. The training itself was not difficult . I have worked there thrice before. ” Thrice” I like that word. It was training until 11 and getting up at 5:00 that fucked me up. The inQubator trainer pissed me off Friday night. It was the last night of training and as it turns out, she is going to be my perm sup so I have to get over it. Besides, everything seems to piss me off nowadays. I know it is unhealthy and detrimental to my mental health, but I was much less angry when I self injured. My body clock is fucked and will continue to be since tomorrow night I work 6p-10 then 3a-5a and 6:45-3:15. Ahh…the things we do for money. At least it is legal and I don’t think there is a market for 52 year old overweight hookers lol.
I am on the last 3 episodes of the 3 seasons of Alfred Hitchcock that I use to fall asleep to.
What is that quote some idiot said in regards to sleep? Something like ” I will sleep when I die.” Right now I am in the ” money money money money,” mode. An old Ojays song.
I want to pay off my bills and move to Austin, or make it so that my boyfriend can retire early and move here.
I am so tired.
I am so tired.
I am so tired.
I don’t mean physically.

Knock me Over with a Feather

Well knock me over with a feather. Driving, common courtesies, customer service, children with manners….I am friggin Shocked when people do what they are supposed to do. Somewhere in between “I don’t give a fuck about anyone else and my obsessive need to do what I think is expected of me…..is the way things used to be. For example, I always tell me daughter when I took drivers ed in 1978… Our instructor taught us ” if you have to make someone slow down to make your turn, then wait for them to pass. My daughter was taught, ” I have time to make that turn-who cares if they have to slow down.” Thus 3 accidents within a year which sent my insurance rate straight into the fucking atmosphere. I told her that driving school didn’t teach her a fucking thing and I should get a refund!!! It may be a stretch, but it’s all about people feeling entitled. I taught her to wave a thanks when driving gives her the right of way ( which usually is hers anyway,but maybe they will pay it forward.)
And another thing while I am on a rant! Why does my auto complete return weird things ? For example I typed, “are you coming”with a typo- and it returned “Arab’ I typed some other typo and it returned Isis. God I wish I could remember the typo. But I am very suspicious of Apple.
A suspicious thing wouldn’t you say ?
Should I add paranoid or conspiracy theorist to my list of issues?