“Candid Camera”

I want to take pictures of the many healed scars on my body. I am not ashamed of my scars, but I am ashamed of the fat in my body. I will get there and I believe it will be sooner than later. The bigger picture is more important. If you choose to focus on the fat, loose skin of a 52 year old woman who has had gastric bypass… that is on you.
I will be telling the story of healing. The big picture has no room for the small minded.

Freaking the Fuck Out

All I ask is that I be able to go straight home after work. It’s been like once in the last two weeks! It’s friggin killing me!!
This getting better comes with it’s own set of issues. I stayed in Saturday, but at the last minute (8pm) I decided to drive to Austin where my boyfriend lives.
Cindy does not do flexible. WTF !!! I would go without food until the weekend when I could go at 6:30 a.m. When the store was most likely to be fairly empty on a Sarurday morning.
At the moment, I am freaking the fuck out!! Grocery store, gas station, pharmacy. I get off at 3:15 and just got home at 5:45… In case you haven’t figured it out…. I am having a fucking panic attack. One day indoors won’t do it!!
What do I do what do I do?????? Tomorrow will b the only day this week I get to go straight home.
On the positive note …. I know I won’t self injur. Vodka, a nap, and the adrenaline of a panic attack should knock me out. Alarm is set so I can get up and cook dinner when my baked potato is done.
If this sounds frantic all over the place … It’s meant to!!
I am working on my “should” statements so I am what I am …..power nap time. Gotta get a grip before I start my 2nd job !!
OMG I need to scream !!

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SkinPick.com

Visit the site and sign up for the newsletter. Here are sine excerpts:

SkinPick Newsletter
July 2014
Hi , here’s our monthly news recap:
Skin Picking Success Story – a Must See Speech

One of the first and greatest hurdles to overcome to successfully be skin-pick free is to open up to someone who cares and to seek help and support. So imagine the courage it must take to stand up in front of hundreds of people, in front of a camera, and admit that you are a skin-picker. In this video clip, a brave woman named Caroline does just that, in a rather inspiring way. Watch Video >>

SkinPick’s Online Therapy Program – Still at Discount

We’ve been getting requests from people to enroll in the program at the discounted price, and we decided to prolong the discount period until the end of July. So if you are planning to enroll, we suggest doing it before August 1st. After that date, price is going to go substantially up.
Join the Program Now >>

She’s Lost Control” – Short Film on Dermatillomania and the Loneliness of Shame

This short film called “She’s lost control” portrays just how lonely the shame of dermatillomania can be. The film is very graphic, but it captures the urgency with which skin-picking engulfs the person while they are engaging in picking.

The Dreaded Relapse: Dermatillomania

Here are some tips, remedies and advice to get back on track and staying positive through times of relapse [from the trich.org blog] Read More >>

Interactive Online Therapy Program for Skin

The Complete Guide to Compulsive Skin Picking Disorders (CSP)

Identify your symptom, Find your cause, Treat your case

Buy Now (e-book version) >>
Buy Now (paperback from Amazon) >>

Online Counseling for Compulsive Skin Picking Disorders

We offer live online counseling for people who suffer from the skin picking disorder.

Schedule an online session with one of our experts >>

What you can do:
Educate yourself on the Skin Picking disorder, dive deeper into the specifics of this disorder, treatment methods that work etc.

Get “The Complete Guide to Compulsive Skin Picking Disorders” today.

Join Online Therapy Program
Interactive online therapy program with your own personal therapist. Based on proven methods – CBT

Schedule an online counseling session

Share with others
Sharing your difficulties and feelings with other goes a long way. If you can help someone with advice, that’s great too.

Join public forums (free)

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Random Thoughts

This is not like medical advise or anything so don’t sue me…. My daughter and the medicine woman I see now told me that Benadryl is good for facial tics caused by ling term use of anti depressants. I use the liquid one for children so it doesn’t make me sleepy.
Yesterday was one of those stay inside days for me.
I got hired at that 2nd job I was going for.
I resumed my Xanax last week, but not everyday like when I worked for that fucking bank for 11 years.
The wound on my stomach has completely healed. I did not interfere with the healing process by digging in it until I saw blood and felt pain.
The wound on my forearm is almost healed too. I should feel good, but to be honest, I feel lost. There is something in my DBT book about “should” statements ….Be WeLL

And so it Begins Again ?

Today marks the first day I cried on my new job. I was put on the spot. My supervisor sat with me and asked why it took an hour and a half to do something that Should have taken half an hour. She sent me 5 more cases and she sat there and watched me do them. She then proceeded to tell me ….that took two minutes…. That took three minutes, so why did it take you so long to do 20 cases. I didn’t have an answer, I have no idea. (Part of it was that I was just trained yesterday Bitch!) As I sat there working those 5 cases with her at my side scrutinizing every step, a tear did roll down my face periodically.
When she left my cubicle I frantically searched for my Xanax. The first time I needed it in a few weeks. It wasn’t in my purse, it was at my bedside. So I rushed to the bathroom and cried.
I went to my daughter’s to dog sit my grandoggie. It took my mind off of things, but as time went on, I became more and more numb. I was supposed to go to bed early tonight. I have an interview tomorrow for a 2nd job. I wanted to be prepared. Now my noise is on a rampage! I will not be at my best at work tomorrow, but I have to pull it together before the interview.
You know, if my mini meltdown was private, I could have handled it better, but when I went to the bathroom to cry, my coworker saw me and tried to console me.
Sigh

Oh Nooo

I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. If I can’t stop it, it will be my 2nd in two months. The first at my new job.
I cannot let this happen!! Trying to remember my coping skills, tearful. Besides the embarrassment I only have one hour sick leave. I have no choice whether it comes or not…whether I cry or not… I have to stay here!